Friday, October 4, 2013

Losing It

I've officially hit rock bottom. I have a secret... -I've been a sleep-deprived, grumpy, impatient monster of a mom for 3 months now, and I can't bear it any longer. With children well past the infancy stage of wakeful nights it is frustrating to me that my 4 year olds have such horrible sleep habits that I would gladly trade them in for newborn twins that wanted to be breastfed every 45 minutes all night long. At least those twins didn't talk back, kick doors, throw things, and scream bloody murder at me for trying to get them to stay in their beds. And at least those twins were containable. At least those twins didn't conspire against me by waking each other up, and then run in to their peacefully sleeping brother's room to see if they could get him on board. (They couldn't, he cried for being woken up, and told me this was "the worst night ever.")

I have done all but install a deadbolt from the outside of their bedroom door. On that note, it's probably a good thing that Home Depot is not open 24 hours because that is what I would be doing right about now instead of blogging about my sleep deprivation at 3 AM if it were.

Prior to starting this blog post I had one of my not so impressive mommy moments. I was so angry at my daughters for keeping me out of my cozy bed for the last hour and a half, and then proceeding to try to wake up my one sleeping child that I ripped their existing sticker charts off their bedroom walls and shredded them to pieces with my bare hands in a fit of rage. Then I got one of those doorknob covers that we have left over from our child proofing days and put it on the inside of their bedroom door. Oddly enough, they never did figure out how to open those suckers. Joey knew at the age of 2 that all he had to do was smack the thing hard enough and it would break in two halves, giving him full access to any restricted area. Anyway... I digress.

After installing said door knob cover I yelled loudly enough that most of our subdivision likely heard me about them being naughty, losing iPad time for tomorrow, and never, ever, ever getting another princess sticker for their aforementioned sticker chart. Ever. I slammed the door, moved Joey to my bed downstairs (where my husband lay getting his beauty rest) and returned to the playroom couch outside their bedroom door to endure the yelling, crying, and kicking of the door. What was interesting to me is that in between the yelling, crying, and kicking, they could have a completely calm and civil conversation with each other. In other words, they are totally capable of turning it off as soon as they think I'm not listening... Little boogers.

So what's a mom to do? I can't do this much longer. I need my children to go to bed on time without delay, and sleep for 11-12 hours a night so I can be a functional human being. I am tired all.the.time. Simple jobs like cooking dinner, grocery shopping, and folding laundry are daunting and overwhelming because I am just too freaking tired. Trying to keep up with my orders for Bugaboo's Closet, and grow my business is next to impossible when I am spending my evening work/sewing time trying to get my kids to stay in bed for 3-4 hours past when we actually said goodnight. I can't do this anymore. I am out of ideas, out of patience, and definitely out of my mind...

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