Disclaimer: I love my husband very much. He is sensitive, kind, thoughtful, helpful with the kids, and knocks my socks off. Ok, now that I've said that, here is a very honest blog post about mom insecurities:
Sometimes I wonder if I'm still attractive. Everything changes after having a kid. (or three, in my case) My boobs hang lower than I ever imagined they would, I can't seem to get rid of that little ponch part of leftover tummy stretching, I have way less time for doing my hair, putting on makeup, wearing anything remotely stylish or flattering. I hardly have a chance to shower on most days. And I opt for drive-thru food over cooking more often than I should. So it's no surprise that I wonder if I'm attractive to anyone other than my sweet husband.
Well, today I felt it. While shopping at our local grocery store, I couldn't help but notice that the 20-ish male cashier was awfully chatty. (despite the fact that I had 9 packages of diapers in my cart) He attempted a couple of lame jokes, smiled a lot, made eye contact, and even let me use an expired coupon! His male counterpart that was putting my groceries in bags was also taking part in the jovial banter at aisle 3. I'm secure enough in my marriage to admit (even on the internet) that I enjoyed this little bit of extra attention that these guys were showing me. I was just dressed in my regular mom clothes, with my hair pulled back, and no make up on, but they were a slight reminder that hey... I've still got it.
Upon kindly declining the bag-boy's offer to help me to my car, I left the grocery store feeling pretty confident in myself. For the first time in a LONG time. I made my final stop on an afternoon of errands at the post office, then returned home to feed everyone dinner. When I got home, Ron was clearing off the table so we'd have a spot to sit down to eat, and sorting through a stack of mail.
Holding up an advertisment-type looking piece of correspondence he called out, "do you want this?" to me.
"What is it?" I replied.
"I don't know, it's from Weight Watchers."
Whoa. Talk about a complete 180 from how I was just feeling, now my husband is telling me that I need to go to Weight Watchers. "Oh, and I suppose you think I should be joining?"
Stuttering, turning red, and totally mortified, my husband tried to redeem himself by saying that he wasn't trying to imply anything, he thinks I look great, he was just asking because he never knows what he should throw away or not and it had my name on it, and he didn't even look at where it was from, yada, yada, yada. It was cute, actually. He got so defensive and embarrased at the thought of hurting my feelings.
But I couldn't help but wonder for a couple of minutes... was there some kind of message my husband was trying to give me? No. I seriously don't think so. He is not that kind of man at all. Plus, it's way more fun to relish in the fact that the guys who work at Harris Teeter were flirting with me. And I told him about it too. So he is well aware of the fact that this momma is still hot. ;)