Wednesday, December 16, 2009

When Will It End???

Before I had Katelyn and Olivia people would ask me if I was planning to breastfeed them. My response was always indifferent, because I honestly had no idea what to expect with twins. I did not want to be one of those mothers who had both tits hanging out from under her shirt with a toddler sucking away on each one. (Sorry for the graphic description... I saw a picture like that in a LaLeche League Book for mothers of multiples... it scared me.) So anyway, I would always say something like, "Well, we'll see how it goes." or "I'm going to try." or "I'll nurse them for as long as I can." I truly did not expect to be nursing long, as we supplemented with formula right away and both babies took to the bottle easily. At first.

Somewhere around the 11-week mark Olivia decided she hated the bottle, but loved the boob. I mean LOVE the boob. This kid is a Momma's-girl to the 10th degree. In fact, before I actually sit down to nurse her in the morning she sucks on my neck or my shoulder while I walk around making my tea and getting Joey his sippy cup and Cheerios. It's like she can't wait to get a hold of it. She just loves nursing.

Roundabout September I was in dire need of a new nursing bra. All of the ones that I owned at the time were the ones that I used when I had Joey so they were pretty worn out. While on a trip to JCPenney I contemplated buying one. I did not really want to buy one because I was still hopeful that the kid would be on the bottle sometime in the very near future. But I broke down and bought one anyway. Good thing I did because I wear it almost every day. (Don’t worry, the washing machine is always running in my house so it stays relatively clean.) Well, today I got tired of only having one decent nursing bra so I went out and charged 2 new ones to my JCP credit card. They were only $15 each, so not a huge deal, but still. I can't believe that this kid is 8 months old and I'm out buying new nursing bras because she shows absolutely NO signs of weaning. NONE. Will I be nursing her past my intended cut off point (10 1/2 months)? You betcha. Will I be nursing her on her 1st birthday? Most likely. Will I be nursing her next summer? Oh my goodness I hope not, but probably.

Don't get me wrong. I love nursing my babies. I love that it's the one thing I can do for them that no one else can do. I love the convenience of it in that you don't have to mix formula, heat bottles, or pack anything extra in the diaper bag. I love the quiet calm that takes over a fussy baby when they snuggle up and latch on. I even (sometimes) love sitting in a dark room in the middle of the night with a sleepy baby nursing away. I really do. But after 3 babies in less than 2 years a girl needs a break. I need to feel like I can leave my house for more than a 3-hour window at a time. I need to feel like my body belongs to me and only me. I need to feel that my husband can put our children to bed without my boob help. But that day is probably a long time coming.

So in the meantime I guess I should just enjoy my new lingerie.  Even if it does have plastic hooks for easy access.


Anonymous said...

Hang in there mamma. Your almost past the hard part. Right now its all about the girls and when they need to be fed. However, once they really start on solids its totally different. You'll be able to pick the feeding that work for you. You are a great mom and I promise you it will get easier! It just sucks to feel that your body isn't yours. I bet Ron has his moments as well ;-p


JillDunn said...

I never thought Megan would take the bottle but at 8 months she finally decieded not to fight it anymore so just keep trying.


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