Kids Say The Darndest Things

I was lucky enough to spend some quality time with my little guy Joey today.  It's always nice to go out with just one kid.  I feel like I actually get to enjoy some precious moments that are usually too rushed or chaotic to notice.  First we went to a birthday party for one of Joey's classmates.  Then we headed over to Kohl's so I could use my 30% off coupon to stock up on K-Cups.  (FYI: if you catch them on sale with a coupon, it comes out to just over $8.50 a box... in case you're wondering!)  Shopping with just one child is like a dream come true for me. (Second only to shopping alone, obviously!)  But really, it's actually fun to go with one.  I try to involve them in a lot of the decisions, asking their opinions on colors, styles, etc.  Keeping them interested is so much easier than trying to distract them from the fact that we are still in the store.  So that's what I did with Joey at Kohl's tonight.

First we shopped a bit in the ladies department.  I tried on a few pieces, wasn't happy with most, except for a shirt that Joey told me was a "beautiful color," so that one I bought.  Next, we headed on over to the girl's department to grab a new bathing suit for Katelyn.  That kid outgrows everything in about 2 weeks, I swear.

Finally we were ready to go collect our stash of K-cups, so we walked past the boy's department, where I was convinced to buy Joey a new baseball shirt.  If a $5 shirt keeps him happy, fine.  At least it's 30% off.  Trekking on, I walked hurriedly past the candles, picture frames, and intimates.  Joey was walking sort of alongside me, stopping to look at this and that along the way.  Before I could tell him not to, he was grabbing onto a great big flower-print padded bra, at which he ever-so-innocently (and loudly) said, "This is pretty for you, Mom.  You could put your boobs in it."

I told you, I love shopping with my kids.  It's like shopping theater.  I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Katelyn has learned how to throw a stellar tantrum these days.  She pulls out all the stops, and gets to me in ways that I just can't ignore.  I try to ignore tantrums whenever possible, but Katelyn has learned that an ear piercing scream will get my attention pretty much every time.  So that's usually her chosen method.  To combat this, I've opted for putting a few drops of lemon juice in her mouth.  I'm a firm believer in "the punishment needs to fit the crime" style of parenting, and I feel that something unpleasant in the mouth that was just used to scream is appropriate enough.

While we were on our 14-hour trek back to North Carolina from Connecticut a few weeks ago Katelyn decided that screaming would be a fun way to pass the time.  Ron told her to stop or he would get the lemon juice. It was actually an empty threat since we don't actually travel with lemon juice.  Although maybe we should... (diapers? check. wipes? check. sippy cups & snacks? check. lemon juice for squirting in Katelyn's mouth? check....)  Empty threat or not, she stopped.

A few minutes go by and Joey half-whispers to his sister, "Katelyn, scream."
"No screaming Katelyn," Ron reinforces.
A minute or so later, Joey tries again, "Katelyn, scream."
"Joey, if she screams I'll put lemon juice in your mouth."
A few minutes pass while Joey thinks this over.  Finally he flatly responds, "No you won't.  I'm allergic."
Which he is.

Kid's Say the Darndest Things

Olivia was playing in the playroom and decked herself out in all the fancy princess gear she could find: sparkly shoes, a crown, a princess cloak, etc.  She walked over to show me and said in her own sometimes-difficult-to-understand dialect, "I'm a princess mommy."  Joey took one look at her and said, "what's a butt-chops?"  I couldn't help but laugh.

I'm pretty sure that he was just looking for yet another reason to throw the word 'butt' into normal conversation, but it was very funny nonetheless.  I just hope my kids don't start walking around calling every princess item they see 'butt-chops.'

Kids Say The Darndest Things...

I titled this post after the infamous Bill Cosby show, because I think it to myself at least once a day lately.  I think it's not until you become a parent and spend a good 70% of your time conversing with people less than 3 feet tall that you don't realize how funny their little minds are.

A couple of silly things my kids (and those around them) have said lately:

• While putting Joey to bed I asked him what he wants me to pack in his lunch box for school tomorrow.  His response: A Blueberry Pie.
• A conversation between siblings: Joey: What's your name? Olivia: Sissy. Joey: Who do you love? Olivia: Sissy. Joey: What's your favorite color? Sissy.  This went on for several more questions until Joey and I were laughing so hard he couldn't ask anymore.
• While drumming on the bottom of a flipped over big tin garbage can last week Joey suddenly started chanting my swear word of choice.  That's right... my son was drumming right along saying, "f***, f***, f***, f***" to the beat.  Even better?  His 2 year old cousin quickly chimed in and the two of them were loudly drumming and swearing in unison.  I didn't actually witness this happening, but was later told about it by my mother in-law.  Awesome.  Thanks Joey for ratting out your potty-mouthed mother.
• My sister and I work at the same preschool as of this week, so we carpool the 25 minutes to work with all the kids in the car. (my three, and her one)  As we are driving along my nephew Jack (3.5yrs) declares, "I see a bunny over there!"  Joey quickly responds, "Where?!?!"  Jack answers, "You missed it Joey." Less than 30 seconds later Jack says, "I saw a cow out there!" Hoping for a glimpse Joey excitedly says, "Where?!?!" Jack's response, "You missed it again Joey."  Then it was the bunny again, and so on and so forth.  My sister and I sat in the front seat shaking with silent laughter while Jack continued to point out a myriad of animals that we didn't actually drive by while Joey missed seeing each and every one, never even catching on the fact that Jack didn't see any animals either.  It was probably the highlight of my Kids Say The Darndest Things post...

That's it for now.  What have your kids said lately???  Leave me a comment to tell me to be entered to win a prize.  Just kidding, there is no prize.  But a comment would be nice just to let me know you're out there. ;)